I'm Not That Girl
by Crossing-Sympathy
Summary: Kurt reflects on his feeling for Finn and he realizes that he isn't that girl. First Glee fic no flames please!


_**Kurt Pov**_

Kurt walked out of school for the last time that week. He walked across the parking lot reassured that the football team wouldn't be after him ever since he won them their first game in almost a year. He smiled to himself despite his recent heartbreak. He had to admit that he was stupid to think that Finn would ever care for Kurt the way he cared for him. He cared for Kurt like a friend and nothing more. Finn didn't swing that way and especially not for Kurt. Rachel knew that he loved Finn and Kurt was almost sure that she laughed at the repulsed look that had undoubtedly crossed Finn's face when she told him.

He thought back to the time they were assigned to sing ballads to each other and how uncomfortable Finn had looked after he told him the name of the ballad he was going to sing. Luckily Mercedes had interrupted him so they could sing their support for Finn and Quinn. After sectionals Kurt had been there for Finn. Kurt was happy to hold him and let him cry on his shoulder. They had grown close. Closer then Finn had wanted.

Kurt unlocked his car door with an audible beep. His father had returned his baby to him after he came out. The only reason Kurt didn't tell his father earlier was that he feared that his father would be a judgmental homophob like everyone else in this cow town.

On the way back to his house Kurt stopped at a grocery store to pick up some heartbreak food, like ice cream and dark chocolate. Kurt was such a girl and he was proud of it! He sniffed and rubbed his eyes all to keep from bursting into tears on the spot. He would save that for his basement bedroom with the door firmly closed so he father wouldn't worry. Kurt wasn't looking for comfort he was the suffer in silence type

Kurt let out a sigh of relief when the front door was locked. He was alone. He grabbed spoon for his ice cream and descended into the stark white basement that was his bedroom. Kurt wasn't the wallow in self pity type, but sometimes you just can't help it. Kurt sat down on his bed and plunged into his chocolate ice cream letting the tears flow freely.

_**Finn Pov**_

Finn had been heartbroken over Quinn's betrayal. He really believed he was going to be a father. It was so cruel. Once he realized that he could be a father and that things were going to be okay the ground was ripped out right under him. He loved Quinn and he had loved his unborn daughter. Finn had been so stupid as too let Quinn trick him like that. He was so dense! And she had used that her advantage. As much as Finn wanted too he couldn't blame her. She just did what she thought was best. Puck would be a horrible father anyone could see that. Quinn just wanted what was best for her daughter, but that didn't justify her lying to him about something as important as this. Kurt had been his shoulder to cry to on. Finn couldn't even think of the number of designer sweaters he had stained with his tears. Finn had never wanted to hurt him, but as soon as he realized that Kurt had feelings for him, he ran straight into Rachel Berry's waiting arms.

That is how Finn ended up making out with Rachel Berry in the Glee room after hours. Rachel was beautiful and he really believed he loved her, but she would never be Quinn. Finn didn't realize that they weren't alone until he heard a door slam and a choked sob. Finn had broken apart from Rachel long enough to see the back of Kurt's black jacket.

"He's in love with you, you know", Rachel said to Finn quietly.

"Yeah, love sucks doesn't it?" Finn replied.

"You already knew didn't you"

"He pretty much came out and told me when we were assigned to sing ballads. I didn't get it at first, but it didn't take long to put two and two together."

"It's not your fault Finn", Rachel murmured in his ear before she kissed him.

_**Kurt Pov**_

Kurt looked down at his nearly half eaten tub of ice cream and decided that if he cared about his girlish figure at all he would put it back into the freezer before he ate the whole half gallon.

"I'm pathetic," Kurt said aloud to himself.

Here he was sitting moping in his bedroom after a boy that was never his and never would be. Kurt couldn't help it. Love was love and Kurt was in deep it would take a while to pull himself out of it. He thought about what he had told Finn when he was still going to be a father. _I need to sing out my feelings._ Kurt thought to himself. Only Kurt had no idea what to sing. Maybe he would write something Kurt had always wanted to write his own music. He walked over to his ipod dock and put on music from his favorite Broadway show, _Wicked_. He listened to _Popular _and _What is This Feeling _before the song came on that fit his situation so perfectly it was like it was written for him.

_Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl_

_Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl_

_Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in_

_Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl_

_Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl..._

It wasn't until the song ended that Kurt realized that he was singing along with Idina Menzel. He wasn't that girl and he never never would be. Kurt felt released and alive after he sang the song to himself from memory. There were other boys out there. Finn had broken his heart, but by no fault of his own. Kurt was no longer in love with Finn. He was a free man or a free girl what ever you wanted to call it he was free.


End file.
